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| Since my junior year of college, I've seen myself in Jacob: the God-wrestling, brother struggling, pretend-to-be someone I'm not. In many ways, I've always thought him the "used car salesman" of the Bible. Each week as I sit down to cultivate a story to share with my kids or teens--I find new ways I'm like Abraham or Jesus' disciples or a variety of other characters. Ultimately, I see that my love for God came out of a deep sense of significance in story. One cannot read the Bible, at least in large sections, without sensing the depth, truth, beauty, and agony of the story that fits with where all of us are born. Story grows out of the soil of our humanity---our own fertilizer if you will. I haven't written much since my ordaination. You may have noticed that. Part of me sensed the new danger of being a leader of something and being so open, so vulnerable. Naked in the wind. I will tell you that since my late college years, I've stopped wrestling so much. I'm moving on to the more settled Israel, no longer Jacob. If my passions were sons, I'd worry that Joseph would arise, causing only future blood and deceit. I've been incredibly content--much of that because of the new discipline and joy I have learned from Anita, but also because I've learned to trust much of what God is doing through me here at New Life. Part of me doesn't want to hurry to turn the page, because this has been such a good part of the story, but part of me knows that the story must always move on, just like Abraham following the strange promises of his God or Moses wandering in the desert with his freed slaves, current complainers. I've been looking to the sky, drinking in the Lord's Prayer, and wondering how God will unveil the next part of me story. Hopefully soon I can tell you more. | | |
| It's been awhile since I"ve gotten on xanga. My only real chance on a computer is at work, so I feel a little guilty filling any of my time with such musings. But here I am.. In about 40 days, I'll be walking down a church aisle not to preach a sermon, take care of some kid, or talk to a teenager. No, I'll walk down an aisle only to return with my bride on my arm. Part of me experiences this cardiac arrest of excitement, knowing that my wife and I will be a team, confidants, and companions for the rest of our lives. Part of me, approaches this holy thing with trepidation, hoping that Anita is getting someone who is worthy of her. I know there are moments when I'm too tired from the daily pace to give her the man she deserves. In these moments I repent, and trust that she'll give me the grace I need to love her. Part of me is just worn down at the pace of ministry and getting ready for life together. I want to be the strong one, but often I'm fragile, prayerful, and pentient, like a man out to sea, admiring and fearing the waves at the same time. Love has a way of destroying us and rebuilding us at the same time. A odd sort of resurrection. | | |
| I've been reading the Pentateuch...which carries an oddly unassuming tone. The image I keep coming back to is the cloud of glory during the day and flame at night. The cloud would move and the camp would move. Does God want us to settle in a Promised Land or does he prefer a wandering motley crew of grumbling God-wrestlers? Does the Son of Man have no place to lay his head or will God come and live among us? Is there a true tent of meeting or is the whole world his tent? Stability. Security. These are the impotent rage of adulthood. Should I join in or subvert? Buy a house. Build a family. Put so much into retirement. Is that the cloud? How did the Israelites belong to a place if they knew at any moment the cloud could move? They were a people that belonged to a shadow. A shadow of the glory of God. Shekhinah. | | |
| The Lenten season ushers in many moments to mourn. The tension between disciples sparks debate over who is the greatest. Jesus hits them with the age old scurge of youngest child favoritism. Since then older children have been bitter. Peter does a horrible job with a sword (for a zealot). Judas betrays Jesus for the price charged someone if their bull gores another animal (a 1st century parking ticket). Thomas asks for the first scratch and sniff Jesus setting off a revolution of Sunday School curriculum and video material for small groups hailing an "interactive, under the surface approach" to God's internal bleeding. Mary, aware of Jesus low-maintenance style, confuses Jesus for a gardener. There is much to mourn about. Plus, Maryland lost in the NCAA tournament. How long, Oh Lord? I just finished reading Leviticus. So--survey for those who read: what biblical text do you find most strange, confusing, or troubling? | | |
| It's been a few weeks since I wrestled 40 foot bamboo trees over cement walls topped with razor wire. Needless to say the coil of metallic non-hospitality won and made me consider the updated tetanus shot I need this year worth it. Thankfully, my Adidas sales experience made me ladder-savvy for the bamboo balancing act. All I could think is "This is so easy a caveman could do it." Ah, the beauty of a Costa Rican work day. I look at the world map on my office wall and think, I've barely scrapped the surface. I wonder if some ancestor will find my trek amusing. Haiti looms in July like an unknown fog, while my girlfriend looks to return to China that same month. Asia. Haven't even been near it. Costa Rica, Venezuela, Mexico, Canada, Burkina Faso, Kenya, England, Ireland, Wales, France, Ecuador, and the US of A. My roommate just moved out. He left his AA devotional among other things, so I worry that Texas won't be the land of the sober. On a less serious note, I've decided to read the AA devotional to curb my addictions. I'm cleaning out everything, reclaiming a space for myself after so many months of avoidance. On scarier news, I may buy my senior pastor's house. I've been thinking about making it into a spiritual retreat/monastery. Every room could be centered around a spiritual discipline. I've even thought building a brick labyrinth in the backyard would be fun. I'm going to rent out two rooms if anyone is intriqued by the idea. So..there's some catching up. Hope I can write more. These are stolen moments:). | | |
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